you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
