I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
