hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
