you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
