Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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