I wish my penis had an off switch
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
not ubering you a puppy
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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