I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
don't judge my taste in strippers
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
