Cold hands, warm shart.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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