Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
