I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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