Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
