Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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