People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
