he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
