I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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