Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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