She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
