I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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