i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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