Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
