Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
