OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
