24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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