Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you mean i was at the winter classic?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
