perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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