A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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