toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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