I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
