This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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