i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
