Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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