You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
