Porn is love you can see.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
