so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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