if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
