your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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