I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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