Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
