I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
