She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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