No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
