today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
