I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
