I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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