I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
