I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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