But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
