i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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