FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
