His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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