At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
