she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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