morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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